This recipe is not complicated. Anybody with a room temperature IQ can follow this recipe. Even a stove-shy man can cook this and I guarantee that it will come out tasty. Please forgive me if this piece seems to be directed toward men, but the recipe is so simple most women who are real cooks will turn up their noses at it. On the other hand, a smart woman will cook this for her husband, boyfriend or whomever and tell him that she made it especially for him. Serving it in bed might not be a bad idea, but we will not go there.
First of all, you men need to go to the grocery store. Now I am aware that that is a strange and uncomfortable place to most of you. Suck it up and be a man and go there. Personally, I find the grocery store to be my favorite store, next to the Ducati shop. Groceries are a lot cheaper. You might think about printing this out and taking it with you to the grocery store, as any clerk can help you find the ingredients if you are totally helpless.
Go to the produce section. That is where the vegetables and green stuff are located. Grab someone who looks like he knows what he is doing and ask where the onions are stacked. Buy one large sweet Vidalia onion. Look around for the tomatoes and buy one medium sized, red tomato. Look around again and get one lime and a container of mushrooms. Go to the check out and pay. It will not be more than $3.
A word about mushrooms is in order. You will find that you can buy them cut up or whole. Real men do not buy the already cut up mushrooms. The reason is that if you buy those, you cannot use your really cool, super sharp cooking knife. For what it is worth, I cooked this recipe last weekend and nicked myself with my Global knife. That sucker is so sharp that I was bleeding all over and didn’t even know I cut myself. Four days later, it still hasn’t healed. Some men should not be permitted to play with knives.
Anyway, go home with your purchases. Get out two medium frying pans and put each on its own burner on the stove. Turn on the burners to low. Put about 2 tablespoons of butter in each of the cooking pans and while it is melting, mix in a tablespoon of olive oil. Swirl the mixture around the entire cooking surface so that it is coated.
While the butter is melting, take out the onion and cut it into bite-sized pieces. Put the pieces into one of the pans. Take out the mushrooms and slice them lengthwise. You do not want equal amounts of onions and mushrooms. 2 parts onion and one part mushroom is about right. Take out the tomato and slice it into bite sized pieces. Put these into the pan with the onions. Do not put them in with the mushrooms, yet.
Another word about mushrooms is in order. When you cook them, there should be enough room in the pan for each mushroom slice to lay flat in the pan. I know this because I read Julia Child's book. The mushroom deserves respect.
Cook the mushrooms and onions until they are golden brown. It should take about 5 minutes. The tomatoes should not be brown. If they are, you burned them, you dolt. They should be red and squishy.
Take the pan of mushrooms and dump it into the pan with the onion and tomato. Mix it thoroughly. Put two more tablespoons of butter into the mix and melt the butter. Season with a little salt and pepper.
Take the pan and dump the contents into a bowl. Now, cut the lime in half, and using your manly strength, squeeze the lime until the juice runs down your leg. No, no, wait a minute, that was a line from Robert Johnson’s classic acoustic blues tune Traveling Riverside Blues.
I got carried away there for a minute. After all cooking is a lot like making music. Good cooks, like good musicians, are artists.
Squeeze the lime over the mixture and serve. This is enough for two, easy. However, if you are a selfish, sexist pig like me, you can eat it all yourself.
A final note. Some of you may be afraid of the lime. Trust me on this. DO NOT FEAR THE LIME. It makes the dish. If it is just too much of a stretch for your taste buds, the recipe still works without the lime. On the other hand, a little Tabasco sauce can perk it up. You make the call.
If you try this recipe, let me know how it turns out.