So, last year I took on ‘widow;’ this year I wrap ‘retired’ around my neck. I end 40 years as an English teacher at Kokomo High School in Kokomo, Indiana.
I’ve heard that in some jobs, the human resources
department conducts Exit Interviews when a long-time employee retires. I also
hear that 'long-time employee’ is a quaint term as so many workers don’t start
and retired from the same job.
I don’t think our school had HR when I began; I’m
not 100% positive. I was busy teaching. We do now: I know this because we get
emails from the administrative assistant to the HR director. So, someone gets
paid for this and has enough to do to warrant a secretary.
At any rate, there was no Exit Interview and I’m not
sure what the purpose would be. Would someone ask me Why? How? When? Would someone want my feedback into what is
good at KHS and what is less good? Would someone ask my opinion on how to help
a new employee get integrated into the team? Would someone even want to know
some of my tricks for getting 17-year-olds to eat out of my hand, pleasantly?
As far as I can see, I don’t think my input would be
useful. So much has changed in public education since 1973. So so so much has
changed in the last 5 years. My ideas, tricks, hints, and so forth probably would
not work for someone else. New teachers need to find their own way. It will
take time. There’s really no way to rush it. This reality makes it simple to
hand my imaginary mantel to the next generation.
I’ve seen several of my friends really struggle with
letting go of ‘their classroom,’ ‘their course,’ their ‘way to do.’ We kid ourselves,
of course. Those kids and that room are not ours. Veteran teachers sell
themselves on the made-up fact that if they don’t show up, education cannot
happen. That’s one reason why seasoned faculty come to school with a slight
fever and minor bronchitis….no one can do our job. Another wake-up reality is
that if the excellent classroom teacher dropped dead (or inherited a sinful
amount of wealth), someone else would walk into his classroom, pick up the
book…or whatever they are using these days…and teach those kiddies.
We may be important but we are not irreplaceable.
I WAS asked for an interview by the students in the
television production class. It was part of the project and my input gave them
practice in editing and creating a DVD. As it’s the closest to an HR Exit
Interview, I’ll preserve it here.
I met them on
time and was escorted into the studio where one young man focused the camera,
one adjusted the lighting and one whipped out the paper with a prepared
questions. They asked, among other things, why I had become a teacher. I wish
my answer could have been more profound, more inspirational. Alas, it was
not, but it was honest.
Why? I was attending a liberal arts college and in
1970’s, the overriding logic was to get a teaching credential so you could get
a job. There were many of the liberal arts that did not sink in….philosophy,
physics, mathematics…but English. Yes, THAT made sense to me. Literature.
Writing. Grammar. Speech. I could master these well enough to teach to someone.
Back then, teacher preparation did not send you into
a classroom until near the end of college. You operated on some sort of faith,
I guess, that in the end, you’d feel at home. I did. At least one college chum
discovered that she hated the public school classroom in April of her senior
year. Back then, there weren’t so many alternative choices. I think she ended
up working in a bank.
This is so different from today when potential
teachers get placed in classrooms throughout their undergraduate years, in part
so they can explore different ages and school settings. I think that makes good
sense. Personally, I loved having college students come in to observe my
classroom. And I really loved when I got to supervise a student teacher, all
full of fresh ideas and anxious to try them out in a real setting.
So, I wanted job security. That’s pretty lame and
even when the students interviewed me, I knew there was more to it, but it took
some reflection to come to the better answer.
The better answer: I belong to God. I’m one of His
children. He has had a plan for me. I have been pretty deaf to His whispers. He
often has to hit me upside the hay-id to get my attention. Or He leads and lets
me think it’s all my idea.
That was my path to teaching. I don’t know when it
sunk in that I was walking in God’s will when I chose teaching for a career.
“All YOUR idea, hey chickie?” He smiled. Similarly, it was all MY idea to marry
that funny, smart red head that I met at Wheaton College. Just as it was MY
idea that I go to Wheaton after high school.
I’ve lived long enough to know that many of God’s
children actively seek His will in such momentous decisions. I wish I could say
that. I cannot. I was much more “Hey, God, this is what I’m doing. Come along
if you want.”
I’m much better these days at listening. And
recognizing. And acting on those promptings that I know come from my Father.
It’s a much better way to navigate this life, secure that you are doing
exacting what the Father, who runs the big picture, wants you to do.
Now, as often as I can, I like to step back to
observe that path I’ve walked and how God’s guiding was always there, leading
me and also protecting me from my own ME-ness. One of the many blessings that
He provided to Mike and me was Mike’s opportunity to teach at Ivy Tech…7
semesters! And I was sent back into my high school classroom as it was Mike’s
decision that we get back into living a normal life until we couldn’t. We
stopped sitting around, waiting for him to die.
At first, in spring 2010, I went back to KHS without
any assurance that I would finish the semester; veteran teachers like to finish
semesters. I also knew and told Mike that he would no longer have 100% of my
attention. To do a good job…and by now, that’s all I could do…would require me
to share myself with 145 students. He was ok with that.
And it was great. Really. There are about 1000 kids
I would have never gotten to know; that ‘getting to know’ makes my life rich.
And blessed. And happy. AND distracted
from the disease. We tried hard to shove the disease way down in our attention.
So, I was back doing my job. All good. And then the
blessing. At least 5 times, God showed up big time to let me know I was walking
where He wanted me, that I was in my classroom for a specific student. What a
privilege. But that’s the thing about the Big Picture…God calls His children to
do and go, sometimes when it makes no sense. May I continue to grow in faith to
step out and just do and go, without the meeting.
So, newly retired, I’ve been seeking the next
chapter. This year, on leave, has been filled with tasks that needed to be
done. Plus, I’ve traveled a lot, visiting important people. Some of these
friends came to us through Mike’s illness. I wanted to thank them in person and
God has permitted me that opportunity. But I figured that He wants something
more out of me than just flitting around having fun. And I’ve asked several
close friends to join me in praying for that next chapter.
As old habits die hard, I’ve mentally listed some
options. But He is revealing to me a different book entirely. Stay tuned.
What I ask of my praying friends…who were OUR
praying friends and continue to care for me in this way… is that I’ll keep my
eyes open and my mouth shut as God makes His way clear.