Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Father and Son



It is time for another Dad story.  Unfortunately  for some readers, this will not be a flying story, although I am working on another of those.  This is a story about a father and son, both lawyers, who worked together for more than twenty years.  Without a single hard word or argument, ever.
It should come as no surprise to anyone who knows me that my dad has been and always will be my hero.  I have lived my entire adult life trying to live up to the standards he set and to reach the goals he established for me.  It has not been easy. Mostly, I have come up short.

My dad followed a simple code.  Just “Do the right thing.” There is no sign pointing out the path to doing the right thing. This command seems so simple, but it is not.  Oftentimes, since his untimely death, I have struggled with “What is the right thing to do?”  Not surprisingly, the “right thing to do” is frequently ambiguous.  Particularly in the legal business. But then that was one of the first things he taught me.

Several years ago, I represented a middle-aged man who was charged with having sexual intercourse with his step-daughter, beginning when she was twelve years old.  This illicit activity went on until she was about sixteen. Eventually, the mother blew the whistle and ratted him out to the cops, not because she objected to the underage sex, but because he preferred daughter to mother as a sex partner, which I assume hurt her pride.  Pretty sick, huh?
 The case was in another county, where I did not often practice.  The prosecutor was up for re-election and was keenly interested in getting re-elected, as are all politicians, mainly, I suspect, because the $90,000 a year he was getting paid was the most he could possibly make playing lawyer in that small, farming county.  Hence, he was not interested in making any deals for my client for fear the learned electorate would think he was soft on perverts.

Judges like molest cases, particularly jury trials, since they get local newspaper and radio coverage.  My experience is that they outwardly assume an air of neutrality, but inside they are just seething for a chance to max out a sentence on any molester found guilty by a jury.  The public detests molesters, so they like the maximum sentences.  The judges get to look impartial and then pound the defendant into the ground at sentencing, garnering the approval of the populace. 

 The judge was also up for re-election and desperately wanted to remain in office to puff up his inflated ego and, like my prosecutor buddy, he knew it was the best gig he was ever going to get.  He knew he would starve to death if he had to rely on an actual live client walking into his office and paying real money for representation.  As Clint Eastwood famously stated in one of his Dirty Harry movies, “A man’s got to know his limitations.” 

If this sounds like I am painting a picture of odds being stacked against me and my client, you would be right.  Almost insurmountable odds.  But I was naïve.  I still thought that justice was blind and my “brilliant representation” could even up the odds, so that my client would have his day in court and be treated with fairness.   Sometimes it helps to be too dumb to know better.  That was me.

Even worse, I suspected that almost all, if not all, of the potential jurors would be older and come from long established, farm families.  These are good, reliable people, filled with common sense, and make wonderful friends and neighbors, but are not likely to show any hesitancy about finding my molester- client guilty.

I will not bore you with a long recitation of my remembrances of the three day jury trial that followed, but a brief recounting of a couple of events that happened would be in order.  

First, when the prosecutor and defense attorney pick a twelve person jury, each of the lawyers gets to ask each potential juror questions, presumably designed to insure that juror is neutral.  This is a complete crock, of course.  The truth is that both lawyers are trying to select jurors that are favorable to their side.  Neither lawyer wants impartial jurors. Trial lawyers are looking for an edge on the other, no matter how small.  As a consequence, the number of questions that a defense attorney might ask a potential juror is often many times the number of questions that a prosecutor might ask, particularly if he thinks, as did the prosecutor in this case, that he has a good case.

Many judges do not like voir dire, which is what questioning the jurors is called.  The shorter they can make this trial process, the quicker the trial gets started and done...and the quicker the defendant is found guilty.  So the first thing our impartial judge told me at a pretrial conference was that the total time I had to examine all of the jurors would be twenty minutes and that our learned judge would be using his stopwatch, which only he could see to keep time. 

 Let’s see now, twenty minutes to examine however many jurors would be needed to seat twelve.  That would mean that I would be able to spend 1.7 minutes per juror if I took the first twelve on the list.  As a defendant charged with a crime which could put you away for the rest of your life, you would be alright with that time limit, wouldn’t you?  You wouldn’t?  What’s the matter with you?  Well, I was not going to take any of that crap from the judge, so I filed a formal objection saying that such a time limit would seriously impair my ability to secure a neutral jury and there should be no time limit.  Obviously, the prosecutor objected, as I expected.

Just before the jury selection was to begin, I stood and voiced my objection to the time limit, cited a few cases supporting my position, and suggested that if the judge’s son or the son of a local juror were on trial there would be no such limit.  All in front of the potential jurors.  To my surprise I caught several of the jurors looking at me like they thought I was right.  I followed my initial comment by saying that this was a criminal trial that could result in a substantial loss of my client’s freedom and that surely a few more minutes couldn’t hurt the cause of justice.  I then added that the judge’s position in denying my client his basic constitutional rights would make the basis for a simple and likely effective appeal. That got the judge thinking.

 Not surprisingly, the judge was ticked off.  I detected that the jurors realized that the judge was trying to push this cub-lawyer around and that he had misjudged me. If my client and I were going down, we would both go down swinging. To everyone’s astonishment, the judge backed down said the time limit was off, but that I had better move things along.  I then asked the judge if the prosecutor was to move things along also?  The potential jurors laughed at my question.  The judge was not amused.

It took all morning to pick the jury.  Only one thing about the process stands out in my memory.  As I questioned the fourth or fifth juror, who was an older lady, I revealed that this was a molest case and inquired if the nature of the case would be troublesome for her.  She looked at me, hesitated for a few seconds… and then threw up in the jury box.  I was not expecting that.  No one else was, either.  So what do you do?  Leave her on or ask that she be dismissed as a juror?

 I was not certain what to do, so I asked the judge for a brief recess while we waited for the janitor to clean up the mess.  I helped the janitor clean it up, telling him it was all my fault, making sure the potential jurors remaining in the courtroom heard what I said.

While the potential jurors were coming back into the courtroom, I discussed the decision to be made with my client.  As you can imagine, he did not think that vomiting was an indication that the lady would be favorable to him.  On the other hand, I saw something in that lady’s face that struck me.  I asked her if she was feeling better.  She replied that she was.  I then asked, “My client is very concerned that you are disgusted with him and that you have made up your mind about him being guilty.  I told him that I thought you were a fair-minded person and that you would give him a fair shot.  What do you think?”

She hesitated for a few seconds and then said, “I think that the crime is one of the worst. Right up there with murder, but I haven’t made up my mind.  The prosecutor is going to have to convince me, so that there is little doubt in my mind before I would vote to find your client guilty.   I have an open mind about it, Mr. Bolinger.”  I left her on and to my surprise the prosecutor did not move to strike her.

It took three days to try the case.  Trying cases in front of a jury is a tough way to make a living.  Television and movies make it look exciting, and sometimes it is, but mostly, it’s just plain, hard work.  You are concentrating  100% on everything that is going on, the body language of the jurors, how the judge is acting, the anticipated questions of the prosecutor, the questions you are going to ask, making objections, all the while trying to keep your client’s body language in check, and always acting with confidence and smoothness, no matter what happens.  Doing that for eight hours a day for three days is absolutely exhausting.  And then there is the responsibility of your client’s remaining life, or at least thirty years of it, hanging over your head.

After three days, the jury went to the jury room to decide whether my client was guilty or not guilty.  My client went back to jail to await the verdict.  It was about 7 PM and I was alone in the jury room.  The jury had been out for about three hours.

  I heard footsteps coming up the marble courthouse staircase and I thought it might be the bailiff coming to say the jury had reached a verdict, but it was my dad. After his workday, he had driven an hour just to sit with me and wait on the jury.  He asked how long the jury had been out and I told him.  So the two of us just sat and waited, until he pulled out a deck of cards and dealt the first of many hands.  We waited some more, occasionally looking at our watches and silently wondering what was going on in that jury room. 

 Looking back now, I know that he drove there because he knew how tough those cases are and to buck me up when the jury came back with a guilty verdict. He was there to protect me from a crushing loss.  But the jury didn’t find him guilty.  They found that guy not guilty. The initial vote was eleven to one to convict.  The lone holdout?  My lady that threw up.  All that time dad and I were waiting, she was convincing each of the other eleven jurors the defendant was not guilty.  One at a time.  A woman of her word, I would say.

Upon hearing the verdict, my client laughed out loud. The prosecutor was obviously distressed and the judge was beside himself.  I could barely conceal my smile, but I did when I shook hands with the prosecutor and told him he did a good job.  The judge ignored me. 

 My dad smiled as we walked out together.  As we walked down the stairs briefcases in hand, he put his hand out and shook mine.  He said,”Welcome to the club, son.  Most attorneys don’t have nerve enough to try any jury case, let alone a molest. Let alone win.  You will find that the prosecutors will get word of this by tomorrow and your bargaining power in criminal cases will skyrocket, because they will know that you aren’t afraid to try a case, and you just might win.  They will be afraid of you. You will probably get a bunch of new cases because of this. Raise your fees. Nice job.”

From that day on, our relationship was different.  While I was certainly still his son, I was now a veteran of the courtroom wars. In the years that followed, he often asked me what I thought of a case, as I often consulted with him.  I became more independent and he frequently told me to just go with what I thought, as I knew more about the case and people than he did.  In other words, he trusted my judgment.  My confidence soared. 

 In courtroom lawyering, which scares most lawyers to death, confidence is crucial.  It is a lot like the fighter pilot business. It is said that there are only two kinds of fighter pilots:  hunters and targets.  So it is with courtroom lawyers.  Good ones are suit-clad killers, with boundless egos, always looking for a fight.

Looking back now in the twilight of my life, I realize how much Dad taught me about people, practicing law, and about life.  I could not have learned it from anyone else. His insight was priceless.  I owe him so much.  Whatever small success I have had as a lawyer, I owe to him.  He was remarkable man and, if a few good men still walk the earth, he was one of them.  He is still my hero.

Mike out.

Monday, December 31, 2012

Christmas Morning in San Antonio

BRRRRRR: a blizzard warning in Indiana? I read about it on Facebook as I removed my sweater in San Antonio. 60 degrees on December 25. Miss the snow? No.

The tree in this domicile was surrounded by many wrapped gifts; as it turns out, there are many many many versions of LEGOs. And by evening, there would be a flurry of LEGO construction buzzing along.
Slippers!
Gramma is there, mostly, to smile and enjoy. But, low and behold, a box for me. As I torn the paper (I'm one of THOSE), I saw that something had been placed in a shoe box. "It take courage to buy a woman some shoes," I remarked. Foot-in-mouth, it WAS shoes. Wonderfully, it WAS slippers, just what a gramma needs, no matter what the temperature.

After much gift opening and sharing, it was time for the big meal, prepared by daughter and auntie, both much better cooks than their guest.

Watch out! We're nearing the last page.
Then, as we digested, Gramma got to read with Noah. Why would ANYONE pass up the chance to read to/with a child? THIS one has a whimsical gene or two which surface during any story. "Here's a riddle," he says. "What am I thinking about?" Then you get several chances to be wrong and he tells you.....it may have something to do with the current activity. More often than not, it is the start of some great story adventure with which he will regale.

Right here we are moving through a really cool book, a Star Wars pop-up book, with many layers upon layers of pop-ups. On the final page, we get to a huge Darth Vadar whose light saber changes color as it waves back and forth. Noah tells me it's because he used to be a bad guy and then he was a good guy.

My own personal kids (plus some legs)
Finally, it was time for that couch photo: you know, where the family poses, just so happy to be here, just so glad that the day is winding down.

Auntie didn't want to be recognized so she 'hid.' Didn't work, Auntie!

Christmas 2012 is now past; both of us got slippers from the grandboys. Our toes are warm today. And the Indiana snow keeps coming down.

Tomorrow is New Year's Day. For me, that means closet cleaning and tossing. I've been staring at a lot of bits and pieces, trying to sort out what I really want and what is just stuff that gathers dust. Tomorrow, the dust gatherers go.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Christmas Letter 2012


 Silent night, holy night
Son of God, love's pure light
Radiant beams from Thy holy face
With the dawn of redeeming grace
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth
Jesus, Lord, at Thy birth

Greetings again from Kokomo, Indiana.

We send our wishes for a happy holiday season to you and your families. May the beauty and joy of this most special holiday fill your with joy.  Joy to the World! The Lord Has Come!

We continue to live our lives: our health concerns are in a box on a shelf. We walk past it; we look at occasionally; we know it’s there. Once in a while, we take it down and examine it: 2012 has seen special people step into heaven, way too early in our opinion. In May, our dear sister-in-law Janelle Hayes let go of this life and ran to her Father in Heaven. Also, several men who have ministered to us, who were on the short list to step up and help me when Mike became ill, have also moved on to Heaven. So much for earthly plans.

Life’s funny like that, isn’t it?

Tis the season, also, for miracles. One side product of living in a bubble of prayer – so many people pray for us daily – is that God has opened my eyes to how He is working in the everyday. I’ve seen miraculous answers to prayer and God has given me awareness to connect these with requests. So good for those of us with short memories.

I’m blessed to be surrounded by many loving friends, like the ladies in my small group. God has honored us with a few moved mountains this year. Also, three of these ladies followed the Lord in Baptism just two weeks ago.

Like many of you, we were way too caught up in the contention of the presidential election. It got so that we just turned off the television most of the time. You may know, my guy didn’t win. But, God’s guy DID win. Don’t understand it but know that this is true.

We thank you for continuing to pray for us. When we first got our diagnosis (April 2009….I know.) as much as possible, we prepared for Heaven. We know that this extra time is not for Mike…so we want to be sensitive to what God wants both of us to do. We don’t know what 2013 will hold for either of us but we long to hear His voice in each decision we need to make.

"Isaiah 9:6 For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Talk about your miracles!

Merry Christmas! May God grant you a Happy New Year.

Friday, December 7, 2012

Miracles all around us

This morning, briefly, I was listening to the radio. The partial lyric was “I need a miracle.”

Don’t we all? Do we take our requests to God and do we expect His answer? Or do we fail to see Him and see the impossible request instead. Can’t speak for anyone else but this is too often my mode. “Here’s the problem, God. And there’s no way this can be solved.” And so often, He honors my weak, half-a-mustard-seed faith and fixes the problem supernaturally. And then, gently, He reminds me that HE is in this problem with me and HE will fix it.
I have a friend whose grandson has faced some hard medical challenges in his young life. Our small group prays for him and his mommy and daddy and little brother; and now for Grandma and Grandpa who have stepped up to fill in while baby and Mom are at the hospital.
Few things are tougher than a sick child. But recently, his mom has made the choice to find something to be thankful for every day. She now starts her updates with her items of praise. This is not just a good exercise; it leads her to look for and recognize how God is working in this situation.
I know that it helps her; it also serves her brothers and sisters in the faith by spreading that encouragement. And her son’s life continues to be a miracle of healing.
I hope some of you will feel led to add Cade to your prayer list. God knows all of the details.
The other night, Mike was scheduled to get to church for rehearsal as he is supposed to play next Sunday. I found him in bed; he said he felt really sick and wasn’t sure he could make it to church. He asked me to let him sleep 30 more minutes. I did. He woke and said he still felt ill. “But I have to go,” he said. So, off he went.
2 hours later, when he arrived back home; he told me that, although he doesn’t understand this, as soon as he entered the church building, the illness lifted. Next, God placed someone in his path who needed some encouragement and Mike was able to provide it. And, while rehearsing, he said that the music for Sunday is ‘glorious.’ He said that the first song almost moved him to tears.
It is a prayer that God will answer if you asked Him to show you answers to prayers. He also will show you the miracles around you. And when you see them, it builds your faith and draws you closer to Him.
Amid all the tinsel and lights, we need to remember that Christmas is one of God’s best miracles:

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14)

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Mike's Huddle Address

You can now watch Mike's Huddle Address directly on this blog post! (It may take a few seconds to load)

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Giving Thanks in November 2012



Again, at Ken's house

 This is the fourth year we’ve celebrated Thanksgiving with my brother Ken. His wife passed away last May and at that time, he was adamant that the annual feast would go on and he hoped we’d be there.

            As Ken does EVERYTHING for the meal, he would follow the same routine. Except this time, we would miss his dear wife who, by the way, kept him calm during the pre-meal frenzy. We gave him several opportunities to back out but he didn’t so we packed up the car and headed south. 

            We drive part way on Tuesday and then the rest on Wednesday. The drive through the Smokey Mountains is always pleasant. This time, we veered off and drove to Deal’s Gap (TN state highway 129) that winds through 120 curves in 11 miles. It’s a motorcycle destination and even at the end of the season, we shared the road with many bikes.

cousin and sister
            I DO remember those times where we preceded family trips with the packing of the cooler: healthy snacks, sandwiches, soda and water. Dad would drive and his plan was always to NOT STOP until we got wherever we were going. That part hasn’t changed but this time, our supplies included beef jerky, string cheese, some stray graham crackers and Snapple. 

            I guess we’ve reached the age where we fret less about nutrition. Anyway, we were headed toward some really good eating. 

            The gathering included cousins, nieces, sisters, nephews, aunts, neighbors, special friends plus a whole pile of high schoolers. We all agreed that we would not talk politics, a wise decision as some of these people just get it all wrong!!! (oh) The feast was spectacular. Ken preceded Grace with some remarks about what this last year has meant. We remembered Janelle, shed a few tears, and thanked God for His blessings. We know that as we miss her, she is safe with her savior. In Heaven, it’s Thanksgiving all the time.

Britt, Mike, Lynne, Jan, Ken

            After dinner, we gravitated to activity centers: the game on TV; the impossible jigsaw puzzle; the wine and cheese group in the living room; the newspaper readers at the kitchen table. Little ones ran around, in and outdoors, playing with dogs.
A quiet place to rest
          
  The next day, we took a routine trip to Ken’s Starbuck’s. Then, we drove out to the cemetery to visit the Hayes spot. Before long, it was time for sister Janis to catch her plane. Then, early Saturday, we saw Mom off to Melbourne. Mike and I climbed back into the car for the trip home.

            Not too many people asked about how Mike is doing. But those who did (and do) get our standard answer these days: “He’s vertical. We’re living our life.”

            And tomorrow, that life slides back into routine.



(me and my baby brother)



           

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Generic Prayers

We know at this address that there are many people out there who pray for us. When we have set out a specific need, those prayers go up in our behalf. When we do not announce the need, we know that we receive the benefit of "whatever they need" prayers.

For many prayer warriors, there are few things more faith-affirming that to ask God for something and then see that the request is answered. I meet with a small group of ladies who are faithful and gifted in making requests known to God. Together we have seen miracles come to pass through the power of prayer.

Personally, I'm better if I don't know too many details. There's such a temptation to step up as an adviser to the Almighty. "Maybe you haven't considered this.....?"

When I am out and about and run into friends, the first question I get is, "How's Mike?" After the perfunctory answer, I may get, "And who's taking care of you?"

I'll tell you: I am well-cared for these days.

I have a close circle of praying friends and family. I have a great church family looking out for me.  I have connected with some amazing Believers in cyberspace. I may not meet them in person on this side of heaven but they're out there; they check on me; they encourage me.

Mike's illness has had some unexpected effects on me. Apparently, I've been grinding my teeth in my sleep. Over the last three years, I'm chipped off 4 filled teeth. Each has required a crown. While most people don't smile as they run into the dentist, most of the time, I do.

My dentist is a long-time friend. As getting caps requires drilling, the office staff schedules me for the nitrous room. They don't even ask. I get escorted to the gold/black room; they ask me what 'flavor' I want (vanilla, please!) and up I go. About an hour later, the temporary is seated and I'm off.

And there's more. These caps are on back teeth. Really, nobody will see them except my dentist and myself: but she and her assistant labor and debate about what shade of pearl will match the other teeth. You, my friends, cannot spot the capped teeth.

In town, we have the most amazing appliance repairman. He started his business about 25 years ago, working out of his van. At that time, he would come to your house whenever it worked for you." 9 PM?  No problem.  2:45 AM?  I'll be there." As we are people who work long hours, we appreciated his hustle.

Several years ago, after calling him 4 times to fix my dishwasher(I'd gotten a 'deal' on it), I finally asked him, "What brand do you NEVER work on?" He told me. I bought that. He's never had to fix it.

He now has an office and he's problem the busiest repairman in town. I have recommended him to everybody. But, if I call, he works us in right away.

Our washer died. The Kokomo Appliance Man came over. He let me know that it was time to replace it. He takes very good care of me.

We have a local coffee shop. I try to patronize local businesses. So I drive through most days after school. There are several locations. They take such good care of me. When I drive up, I'm greeted by a smiling face and, "Your regular?"  (large fat free latte) I think they start shrooooooooooging the milk as soon as they see me.

Our neighbor brought his leaf vacuum-thing over, twice, and cleaned up our yard. He takes good care of us.

We have a lawyer friend who has a gift for saying the right thing at the right time. Better, he puts it in writing so we can enjoy over and over. Taking god care of us.

These are simple things, I know. But God whispers to me that He's taking good care of us. And I have to believe that these come as a result of generic prayers.