Thursday and Friday were grim.
A bright spot was a surprise visit from Jan who drove over from Kansas. What a sister! She did not intend for it to be SUCH a surprise but I had not picked up her messages. So, there she was. Twice, Mike thought I should go for a walk so they could talk. I believe those were GOOD talks. Plus, Zack and I went for a real walk several miles to downtown. That, too, was good.
Now the grim. The doctors continued to address ‘ileuses’ with NPO and the hub grew hungry and grumpy. Plus the incision was red and nasty and the pain drugs cloud clear thinking. I think Mike saw himself as a powerless victim and somewhere, someone (I vote for Satan himself…the attacks have been startling) let Mike know that ‘they’ were lying to him, he was much worse, much closer to death, that he would die in this bed, alone.
Jan and I went to bed and I tossed a while, listening to her sleeping blissfully and then just decided that lying awake was stupid so I got dressed, and went back to hospital. I arrived at a dark moment of the night. A wise experienced nurse, a retired Air Force lady, calmly spoke truth to Mike and that seemed to help. Then, I curled up for some cuddle therapy and that did the rest of the good. She told us that his PRN extra pain med was ordered only if he asked for it, every 2 hours and she was sure he would ask for it (;_)) so she would just be giving it out without waking him. Consequently, he got a really good night’s sleep.
Today was better, although he was frustrated that he remained on clear liquids. The real doctor, the surgeon, came by about 4, examined the scar and spoke calmly and for a long time with us. He explained, again, that they had backed off food to address the ileuses (killed it again, I’m sure) and that he was pleased today, that Mike’s abdomen was much improved and we could move on to real food. Then, again, as Mike said he thought they were lying to him and that he was not leaving this hospital, the doctor said, again, that that’s not realistic. “Look,” he said. “I don’t know when you’re going to die. I don’t know when I am going to die, I could get run over this afternoon. What I do know is that you are NOT going to die this month. You are NOT going to die next month. You have good days ahead of you.”
Then, he noticed the guitar magazine and guess what? He is a blues guitarist, familiar with all those ‘dead disabled black guys” that Mike likes to study (Blind, one-armed Jackson…etc) Dr. lingered as they shared guitar stories. Then, peace.
First, you will note that God orchestrated that this surgeon plays guitar and is conversant in Mike’s milieu. Then, and this has been our current area of prayer besides healing, I believe we have shed the fear. Despair is dissolving. Yes, of course, we will be left with sadness, but I sense peace. Praise God for that gift.
Mike got moved to the private room in the Kinnert pavilion..wow. He changed into his home PJs and was resting when I left. I did tell his nurse that I’m 5 minutes away and gave her my cell.
One of the reasons this parting will be so hard for me is that in the last few years, Mike and I have fallen crazy in love; I’d like to say again, but honestly it’s so much better. We have been able to experience such a quality to our marriage that the separation will cut even move. Truly half of me will be missing. He will be moving on to where it is always Easter.
One of God’s blessing in the coming months is that Mike will continue to experience the love of so many people. He is surprised and touched that people care so much for him. And he has some time to sample this earthy love before he sheds his old clothes and puts on the new ones.
He is still using his IV pump and he must be past that before we go home. All other benchmarks have been reached. But I’m hoping he just stays hooked up tonight and gets some more sleep.
I know you will all be busy tomorrow so don’t fret about this but should you want to call, I don’t know the number…Steve Amerson figured it out. Or we will look forward to hearing from you in the coming weeks. Allyson Jeremy and the boys will be home next week. Friends are bringing in food and we will have some fun together.
All for now, dear ones. Lynne